Lovely… Last day of fun and frolic. Slightly organised, controlled and planned adventure for today. Just the way I like it. Nothing can go wrong today! Perfect!!
Phew… Caught bus just in time. Must take friend´s advice and join the gym as wheezing slightly in the manner of 85 year old asthamatic. It´s ok… No more excitement for the day. Everything will be worked out in calm, cool and organised manner.
Oooo… Philip! Great! He looks pissed. Shit! Was supposed to meet him for breakfast 40 minutes ago. Oh well… Have slightly squashed Snickers bar in the purse. Will give it to him as apology/breakfast present. Doesn´t want it. Great! I am starving!!
Lovely scenary. Not a pretty face in sight. What a drag! Will sleep.
Grenada. Lady at the Information desk has run out of maps! Will steal a secret glance of somebody else´s open map and head for town centre for amazing day full of sights and culture.
Yes… Burger King! 4 slightly burnt chicken wings later, ready for some triple-scooped ice cream at Haagen Dazs.
Had amusing conversation on the way, with man in shop who tried to sell ear-rings made in India. Hmmm…
And now, finally off to Alhambra. Lovely Philip´s in charge of tickets for entering. And Lovely Philip´s done everything online. Fabulous!
Shit! That´s just the booking reservation. Bloody Philip was supposed to have come here 1 hour ago and “buy” the tickets at the counter. Have decided to completely ignore the fact that spent 45 minutes at Haagen Dazs counter to order perfect Sundae as I really don´t feel like thinking about it! Ticket counter about 400 m away (seems more like a mile!). Mini running and panting again.
Tickets in hand. Made it back to building on time (which seemed to have decidedly moved farther away while we were off buying tickets). Purbasha and Lovely Philip (are not trying to give each other death stares anymore) and are back to being friends again.
Really hungry now. Snickers bar, 4 chicken wings, triple chocolate sundae, 2 bottles of juice, a cup of chocolate and a few iffy pieces of candy that I found at the bottom of my bag seem to have all been digested.
Will text Danish knight in shiny raincoat and see what he is upto.
Oooo…. Danish knight calling. Perfect. Will meet for coffee with wonderful man from Denmark (as I now know) at 4pm and will retire in the lovely suburbs of Grenada.
Lovely Philip has agreed to go away for important work (drinking bad coffee at Burger King and reading newpaper) for 1 hour while I plan a life-time of togetherness with shiny knight! Yayyy me!
Slightly late as spent far too long dawdling over pretty foreign looking walls and planning for murder in the palace pool (¨sleeping with the fishes¨ jokes ensued).
Accidentally chucked away both maps into the bin. However, Lovely Philip just claimed to know the route perfectly. So no worries. Everything will go great. Will arrive elegantly late by about 5 or 10 minutes and give sexy, cheeky grin and make shiny knight fall head over heels in love with me. Brilliant!
Bloody Philip! Been walking for 25 minutes and nowhere close to being at appointed spot. Will take a moment to compose self as no point lashing out blame. So prompty yelled at Philip and told him to go back to Gatwick as that seemed like the most intelligent solution.
Will now text shiny knight to cancel. Feel devastated.
Oooo… Shiny knight calling. Perfect. Gave location in foreign accent.
He is coming up the hill to pick me up! Yayyy! Wonderful wonderful shiny knight. All anger has been forgotten. But still pouting to maintain atmosphere. Philip is off to the Cathedral. Wish him luck. He wishes back I would start making my way back to bus station by 6pm. No worries.
Everything will be just perfect from this point onwards.
Oooo… Shiny knight coming up the hill while I wait, up in my castle (more like a bus stand on a slope… but, whatever).
Decide to take a stroll around town. Wonderful, romantic, live music playing next to the river. This is a dream! He is so wonderful. He is so intelligent. He knows everything. Must be a doctor of some kind. Nope… must be a professor. Nope… looks very gentle and kind. Must a school teacher.
What does he do for a living?
He is a MONK!! Of ¨theo-sophy¨! Sorry, WHAT?!
He and his order, search for god in a scientific manner.
Is he allowed to be here, on a date?! Is this NOT a date? Shit! Is he giving up god, for me?
Oh man! 20 million men in Spain. 50,000 in Granada. About 10,000 travel between Granada and Malaga for work every single day. And I find the one monk-guy who decided to take a day off on Sunday! Brilliant! I am Satan´s hand-maiden!
It´s fine. Am sensible and smart, woman of the world. Will definitely figure out a way to run away before he tries to convert me and makes me pay him for his monk-people. Mommy! Help!!
Been talking about the greater plan and constants in the universe and fulfilment of desires and human-will for the past 45 minutes. All I wanted was to see lovely grandchildren wearing racially non-evident clothing, playing along the banks of the river.
Would I like to see his lovely shared appartment that he shares with 5 other people?! Don´t think so…
Text from Lovely Philip.
“Hey! Am on 6pm bus, 6pm and 7pm sold out. 8pm looks like availability still.”
Are you kidding me? He was supposed to be my deaf-mute half-brother, who I had to rush to the hospital when it was time to run away.
Shit! Monk guy´s back from loo. Will just tell him I have to catch 6pm bus and that the next available tickets are only on 9pm (and after) buses. Perfect.
Monk guy´s looking worried. Apparently, 9pm and 10pm buses are always pre-booked. No chance of getting seats on those. He has tried before and never ever been successful.
Shit! Really scared now. If monk guy couldn´t get tickets with high connections from god and all, what chances do I have. Quick call to Philip. Nope! No chances of getting 6pm bus tickets as he is firmly seated and has no plans of getting out! It´s ok, will get to bus station in 30 minutes, book 8pm seat and be quickly rid of monk guy as well. All will be right with the world again.
Will now say bye to monk guy and start walking fast in the general direction of bus stop. Oh man! Monk guy can walk really fast and coming along to drop me off at the station! In a taxi! Fuck! Will now need to shell out for a taxi I don´t need to catch a bus for which I have no tickets! And have mildly stalker monk for a date!
Bus station. Maniac taxi driver. Wow! Good time.
Bloody Philip! If only he had bought my ticket, I could have been safe and on my way away from monk guy.
In the queue. Can probably still make it!
Shit! Man-boy crying. Can only understand “No bus! No bus!”.
Shit! Shit!! Shit!!! May-day! May-day!! I need my Dad! I am foreign. There has to be some sort of arrangement that could be made to get me out of here! I have a flight to catch tomorrow. I have a monk to run away from!! Daddy!
Text from Bloody Philip! Wondering why I couldn´t get a later bus (just let me get my hands on you boy!!!).
Because there aren´t any available! That´s why!!
Oh Shit! Man-boy´s still crying. I should console him. I should join him and start crying together so he doesn´t feel lonely. This is what you get for seducing monks.
At the counter… finally!
Please! I need to be in Malaga tonight. Are there any buses available at all? 6pm/ 7/ 8/ 9… I will take anything. I will stand, if that´s what it takes.
6pm all full! You can take 7pm!
Erm… Sorry! Say what?!
Brilliant! Have 1 ticket back to paradise on 7pm bus. Don´t feel strong urge to kill anyone anymore. Will text Philip in 10 minutes (while he keeps feeling guilty) and tell him, I found a bus and feign dignified anger. Will now pop down to the book counter and browse until ready to ride.
Shit! Philip´s behind me. And asking me in a very pissed way, “Purbasha! Are there any seats available? You told me there are no seats available. Are there any seats available?”. Shit! Feeling guilty now. Wish had texted him sooner.
Lovely Philip got off the bus to make sure I didn´t get left behind in crazy town. Wonder why he didn´t think I could take a train back though…
Shit! Fought with Philip! He has decided to storm off somewhere!
Oooo…. Philip´s bus is delayed. 6pm bus is still here. Wonder if he knows. Will quickly text him to tell him good news and he will be so grateful to catch his original bus, he will forget I almost made him miss it in the first place!
6pm bus just left the station, over an hour late! Hope Philip is on it. On the other hand, if he is not on it, serves him right! The bastard! Leaving me in crazy town with womanizing monks.
Really, really hope he is on it.
My bus is finally ready to leave too.
Between being constantly lost, missed tickets, late arrivals, sexually-forward monks and intense moments of wanting to kill Philip with the pointy end of my map, I am beginning to feel the strain of this relaxing trip.
Oh well! Back to work soon! Thankfully…