Tripping around Spain… (Day 1 and 2)

Day 1

Ah! Holiday. Will utilize time to learn about  people, food, culture, self and try, as a back up option to find a man  to appease mum (who has started fearing I shall be barren before I find Mr. Right).

Slight panic in the morning as alarm decided to not ring at 4:01am, as  planned. Woke up at 4:45 instead. Yelled at Philip for standing in front of loo (who promptly ran away to hide inside his room). And then somehow by 5am, managed to leg it in my sleeping shirt. Oh well! I have mad hair, no make up and wearing my pyjamas. But atleast no one is looking. Or atleast, I am hoping no one is looking! Will quickly nip down to the loo at Gatwick and no one will be the wiser. Oh yeah! Go me!


Or not… as have no wish to change in the presence of the floaters at  Gatwick restrooms! Major eurgh moment. Will just try to tame hair.


And now… will give up,  as this is completely hopeless.


Oooo… Free seating on the plane. Will probably get to sit next to  gorgeous, lovely young man who will fall instantly and hopelessly in love with me and we will get married in Hawaii and have beautiful little mixed breed children and live in Bali and drive ethnic eco- friendly locomotive to the beach! Fabulous!

Bollocks… Looking around… not a good crop at all. No…

Bald. Nope.

Fat. Nada.

Drooling. Yeah right!

Eurgh… Hairy belly button peeping out! No way!

Ai Caramba! Sitting on 15A, next to the window, with two free seats  right next to him, the Future Father of my Children! Church organs in my head! Ha…llelujah!! Gorgeous. Tall.  Blue eyed. Blond. With a slightly vapid-look about him. American!!! Perfect! Will go sit next to him and start impending holiday romance and turn it into life-time of togetherness.

Oh crap! Why did  I have to eat that extra piece of chocolate? Can barely fit bum into the middle seat. Double crap!

It’s ok… I will sit on the aisle seat, and have enough room for witty and meaningful conversation.

Awww… Softly snoring! How cute!! The love of my life… Hmmm…

Random pretty girl- stranger smile. Smile right back! Sweet girl walking past.

What the hell?! Random sweet girl-stranger trying to sqidge non existent bum between self and future life partner. Stupid stick insect, trying to ruin my plans of riding own Tuk-Tuk in Bali. As this flight and the flightful of total strangers are witness, I… Won’t… Let… This… Happen!

Gaaaahh!!! Stupid stick insect kissed Future Father of my Children. What a bitch! Can’t believe this! I am right next to him and the bastard is cheating on me right before my very eyes! Stupid balding git. Horrible ugly cow! They have probably been at it all this time, without me ever knowing! Can’t deal. Massive heartbreak. Dreams of mixed breed children just soundlessly burst in cartoon style bubbles! Think I will sleep now. Singularly sad times.

10:30 (local time)

Ah! Malaga! Hola!

Oh good lord! The sun! I am wearing a T-shirt and jeans! Bloody awesome! Can’t believe chickened out of bringing swim suit. Stupid Purbasha (must stop watching America’s next top model, so can stop endlessly obsessing over body fat content and be unfazedly half naked at the beach before complete strangers at 15 degrees temperature).

Looking around the bus. Oooo… Nope. No one worth obsessing over. Great! Can now go back to enjoying the sun and the view.

Shit! Lost!! Got off one stop too early. Can’t believe left the map on the printer.

Epiphany! 23 degrees. I am stripped to my vest top. Christmas decorations everywhere… still. And live music on the street. I am in heaven!!

Crap! Bloody heat’s trying to killing me! I am in hell! I am foreign… Get me outta here! Where the hell is the door to this damn place?!

Hostel! Phew! Oh thank god. I think I found it. All´s well.

Pretty room. Nice.

Shared loo. Mini-eurgh!


This is great. Sitting by the square (Plaza de la Constitucion). Staring at lovely uniformed Spanish cops who do not speak a word of English. And old man, with one foot in the grave is trying to kill me with his cigarette smoke. I, am a true traveller!

Sitting in my new favorite space in the whole world that is not my left hand cushion of the couch! Palm trees! Are you kidding me?! I have palm trees in front and a fort behind. I am finally doing the culture I planned to do! Whee… Go me!


Had forgotten how lovely it is to be stared at inappropriately by male- strangers. Bloody Britain. No body gives a second glance if dancing naked in the middle of the street on Oxford Circus. Lovely wonderful Spain. Men staring simultaneously at boobs and butt and winking lecherously. 33… and still got it! Oh yeah!


Dinner time. Oooo… Cute hosteliites flocking around the exotic creature that I am. Can barely pronounce their names but someone called Pablo just blew me a Baci. They think I am 19. No need to tell them the truth and break their little hearts, right?!



Bed-time. Hmmm… Fabulous.


At a discotheque with a bunch of college students from the hostel. Drinking Mojitos. Can barely hear what Pablo is saying. DJ’s  playing Toxic. Cool! I know this song. Will dance to stop screaming and turning hoarse again. Feel so young and alive! This is amazing. This… is life!


Next club. Oh yeah!


Next. Bring it on…


Shit! I am too old for this. I am dying. I want my bed.


Day 2:


Kill me. Please.


Showered. Broken fast with bread and tomato purée (?!?). 3 cups of coffee to stop head spinning (and now stomach’s churning). Off to view cathedral.

Wow! Massive cathedral. For €5 per tourist, you would expect better lighting than this! High arches with crosses all over. Massive frescoed pillars. Gorgeous stained glass windows detailing every form  of medieval torture. Nice… Every third image seems to carrying a warning machette. Even never-ever-done-it-with-a-man Mary is carrying something that looks like the device I wish to use on most of my ex- boyfriends!

Even the cherubs seem to be waiting the day when they can get out of  their fish-netted cocoons and jump to their imminent death along with  the demise of the poor bugger standing right underneath! Shivers!

Need food. Oooo… suited beggar! Lovely tie

Cute ear-rings.

Shit rain! Can’t believe left umbrella at home. Should be illegal for it to rain when on holiday. Wonder if there is clause in  insurance paper for rain-devastated hair!


Change of hostel. Casa Mata! Cannot believe I left my beloved young-people´s hostel for this. Oh well! As long as I do not find body fluid remnants…  But alas…!

Met up with Philip. Philip, my – slightly harassed, constantly suffering from acid- reflux, and majorly worried about work people who never seem to be working quite up to his expectations – travelling companion. Hunger and Philip do not go too well. And when I too am hungry, it’s a lethal combination. Sarcasm flows like free-wine. And eye contact is strictly avoided at all times!

Great! 1 hour after his landing in the country and we are already  having cheesy chips, donut, latte and English muffins. I could shake that boy. Ouch! Still sore from last night. Will shake him later. Must keep eating chips.

Still hungry! Ditched travelling companion and off for my piece of Spain. Back to the cafe. Churros calling!

Sharing table with someone who’s name sounds like Paulo from Granada. Was flirty and said that I was going back home with him on Sunday. Pat came flirt back – he was very excited about that. Yayyy!! Trip’s back on track!

Uh oh! Problemo! Have just got barely €6 and damned place doesn’t accept cards. Shit! Paulo left. What a bastard! Hate students. Shit! Help! Stupid foreign cafe! Stupid foreign notice, “Do not accept credit cards under €200 to 500”. Are you kidding me?! Who has €500 worth of coffee?I am too pretty to be in foreign prison. Have you seen these women?

Crap! Still raining like mental. Should have left for Seville this morning.

Bill €5.15. All is well with world again.

Off to hostel to take short shower and long nap before dinner. Nice hostel keeper, David, made lovely cup of tea. Yayyy! Will keep updated on other happenings tomorrow.

Buenos noches!


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