The Lady and her Parrot

Once upon a time there was an old lady and her talking parrot. The lady loved her parrot. It was a smart parrot after all. Anyone would have loved it. The lady used to teach it all kinds of things. The parrot quite enjoyed parading his genius before excited audiences.

“The kids are in the house!”, the parrot would squawk and kids would laugh.

“Happppy Birthdayyyy”, the parrot would yell at the top of its little birdie lungs and the listeners would clap their hands.

“I love my old lady”, the parrot would croon and an involuntary “Awww…” would come out of the mouths of the appreciative spectators.

“God save my country”, the parrot would patriotically declare and the crowds would go wild!

Every morning, the old lady used to place the parrot’s perch just outside her door, facing the street, so passersby could appreciate its fine talent. Every night, at dinner-time, she would bring the bird indoors so she could have some company before bed.

One fine day, the old lady, before going off to the market, fed the parrot and left the bird perch outside in its usual place. After she left, the neighbours started having an ugly argument. Chairs turned to splinters and table turned to matches. Words, slaps and hair were flying everywhere.

“Ever since I have had the misfortune of being with you, my life has been nothing if not horrible.”

“Well then, how about you go to hell!?”

“I am in hell already. What happened to all the money you took off of me the other day? Did you drink it all up?”

“You fat cow! How dare you question me?”

“I left £70 on the table before I went to drop the kids at school. And now that I am back, they are not here. You were lounging on the couch all this time. You thief! How do you explain that?”

Smash! Thud! Thump thump!! Thrash!

“You stupid old hag! Stop questioning me! I know what I am all about?!

And so on and so forth…

The entire neighbourhood enjoyed a free show.

That night, as was her custom, just before dinner, the old lady brought the bird indoors, settled the bird perch just outside her kitchen, started cooking and chatting with her parrot, “So what do you think, where should I be going for my holidays this year? I do not wish to go to the sea. I have done the mountains to death. And I would rather not spend a good holiday arguing with my relatives”. Pat replied the parrot “Well then, how about you go to hell!?”. The old lady stopped half way through skinning her chicken. She turned and looked at the parrot and asked, “What did you just say?”. The parrot immediately acquiesced to the request and said, “You fat cow! How dare you question me?”. The old lady walked upto the parrot, picked him off the perch and said, “Do you even realize what you are saying?”. The parrot replied, “You stupid old hag! Stop questioning me! I know what I am all about?”.

So, then the old lady broke the parrot’s neck and had him for dinner instead of the chicken. The meat was a bit gamey but the soup was absolutely divine!


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